August 20, 2010 was when our world changed. We came home early from work to take our lemon kitty Marquis to the animal hospital to finally end his suffering. He was too weak to stand and we couldn't ignore what was happening. There was nothing left that we could do. The car ride was a quiet one, neither of us saying too much while the cat was sleeping on the floor. He used to love car rides and would sit and stare out the window, but this time he just lay there.
At the animal hospital, they brought us into a room and we stayed with him for a while, gently holding and petting him. As weak as he was, he still rubbed his head against our hands and even started weakly purring. He couldn't eat or stand, but the last thing he would do is reach for us. The doctor came to take him away briefly to put in a catheter---as the doctor picked him up, Marquis' eyes became wide and he stared at us when we didn't follow. It broke our hearts. Why weren't we following him? Why were we abandoning him? After several minutes, the doctor returned with our cat's leg bandaged and with a syringe attached. He asked us how long we needed, but after caressing the cat, we told him we were ready.
It was over so fast. My wife was kneeling down and looking into his eyes as the doctor pushed the syringe in. I was gently cradling his head in my hands. In seconds, his head dropped and then lay still. He didn't cry out or move---he just rested his head and stopped breathing. The doctor checked him with a stethoscope and told him that he was gone.
My wife was crying the whole time. I tried to stay strong, but when the doctor's voice started cracking as well, that's when I couldn't help myself. I couldn't see through my tears and I started choking. The doctor left us and we stayed with the body. Our kitty lay still. His eyes had never closed the entire time. His tail was large and bushy. Was he scared at the end? Was he in pain? Should we have stayed and comforted him longer? Should we have done more? Those are questions that will never be answered and doubts that we will always have. My wife picked up his body and held him. His body was like a rag doll and it was heartbreaking to feel how fast it had turned cold.
When we were ready, the doctor came to take the body away for individual cremation. After about a week, his ashes will be returned to us. It took us a while before we were ready to go back home. The drive was a quiet one.
Marquis, our snowshoe kitty: 2000 - August 20, 2010. Rest in peace.
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