Letter to Evan, T = 1 Week

Dear Son,

As I write this, you're lying across my lap and sleeping.  You've had a busy first week of your life!  One week ago, your mom woke up early in the morning with early labor pains, with the contractions getting worse and worse.  Luckily, we had an appointment with your mom's doctor that morning.  We went there and he immediately rushed us to the Summit Overlook hospital.  We got checked into Room 8 (a lucky number!) around noon.

At this point, your mom was going through so much pain during each contraction.  They rushed to give her an epidural, but I was pretty frightened seeing your mom lying there in pain.  I think she almost broke my hand when she went through a contraction.  I knew your mom was brave, but she amazed me with how strong she was.  After the epidural, suddenly she felt much better and was even able to get some sleep during the labor.

Around 6 hours later, you were in the right position and your mom started to push you out.  It was an amazing sight---you'll know what I'm talking about once you have your own baby.  It was a miracle to see you slowly push your way out and into the world.  Your mom and I had been watching you through ultrasound throughout the pregnancy, but this was the first time that I viscerally realized that you were real and more than just an image on a computer screen.  You were a live, crying little human.  The doctor delivered you at 6:57 pm on January 4, 2012, and that's when you said "Hello World!"

Evan at birth, 6 pounds, 4 ounces

Evan with mom

Still, you gave us some scares.  You had to go to the NICU for the first couple of days because you had low blood sugar.  They had you attached to all sorts of wires and monitors and it was scary that we couldn't be with you right away.  But you did okay!  You rebounded quickly and became a healthy baby.  We thought we couldn't bring you home until Saturday, but you did so well that you were able to come home Friday night, one day early!

Evan, 1 day old in the NICU

Since then, it's been a busy, tiring week.  We've had to feed you every three hours, so we haven't gotten much sleep.  It took a little time, but you're now able to nurse without too much trouble.  You are a smart baby, although you are a little fussy---you kept your mom and dad up all night last night with your crying.  You just didn't want to be left alone so we had to hold you close to us so that you would calm down.  It's been tough on us, but we understand---you're in a whole new world now and it's been a traumatic experience.  You used to be so safe inside your mom's womb, nice and warm with all the food that you needed.  Now it's cold and noisy and you have to work for your food!   You do have a strong little temper---if you're hungry and you can't get any food, you start screaming as loud as you can.  You want to have it all---eat, sleep, and poop all at the same time!  You hate it when we change your diapers, and it's at least a two person operation.  We sometimes call you Mr. Grump because of that.

But you're getting better and you're a smart kid.  You're only a week old and you're starting to lift your hand to hold your favorite Binky pacifier in your mouth instead of letting it slip out.  Luckily, your grandmother is here to help us.  She helps take care of you as well as us.  She's been able to watch over you while your mom and dad get some rest.  It's the three of us looking out for you, so you're in good hands.

Evan, 4 days old

I'm not sure if you'll remember her, but we also have Ms. Bumper, our snowshoe cat.  We rescued her from the shelter almost a year and a half ago.  She's older, around 15-16 years, and she was used to being the center of attention.  We thought that you wouldn't get along, but so far she's hasn't been too bad.  Mostly, she just ignores you.  Maybe if when you get older you'll have a nice, furry little sister to play with.

Mr. Evan with Ms. Bumper

Ms. Bumper, our snowshoe cat

So far it's been an adventure and it's only been 1 week!  You may not fully appreciate it until you have a child, but we wouldn't trade all of this for anything.

Evan, 1 week old, with Grandma Pau Pau

Love,

Your Father

Letter to Evan, T = -1 month

Dear Evan,

There's still about a month before you're born, but it almost feels like you've been with us already.  We've already set up your bed and toys and have your outfits picked out for you.  You won't know it at the time, but you'll be be born right around Christmas.  You'll live through many Christmases and Seasons Greetings in the future, but this holiday season will mean the most for us.  This is the best present that we could ask for and the best start to a new year and new life.

You already have a fan club.  You've had your picture taken more times than most stars and everyone's already excited and waiting to meet you.  People have been asking about you all year-round.  Many people are going to come and visit you as soon as you arrive, some literally traveling halfway around the world.  Your grandparents will be here soon to join us, so you'll be surrounded by family.

You've given us quite a few scares this year, but I know that everything will turn out fine.  We can already tell that you're a growing, healthy baby.  Maybe you're a little shy since you always seem to be covering your face when we try to peek at you with the ultrasound.  But you're not a pushover.  You know what you want---if you're hungry, you're always kicking until you get fed and then you're quiet and satisfied.  But other than that, you've been easy on your mother.  No morning sickness, fatigue, swollen joints or other pain.  She just misses her sushi and morning coffee.

Speaking of your mother, I hope that you take after her.  She's beautiful and smart and assertive and the strongest person that I know.  Throughout this year, she's become even more strong.  She's been poked and prodded by doctors more times than ever before in her life, but she's been braver than ever.  She'll help keep you safe in this world---she's already been watching over you all this year and she'll never stop.  Even with only half of her genes, you'll be getting a head start on the world.

I can't wait one month.  I can't wait to meet you and show you everything in the world.  I can't wait to see you laugh, to pick you up the first time you fall, and to wipe away your tears.   I can't wait to read stories to you, to play pretend with you, and to hear the stories of your life.  I can't wait.

Love,
Your Father

June 29, 2011

August 24, 2011

August 24, 2011

October 19, 2011

Anticlimactic End of Days

The past week has been pretty surreal for people on the East Coast.  Last week, we had a moderate size earthquake that was felt up and down the entire eastern seaboard.  I was at work when the earthquake struck, actually in the middle of a teleconference with some people from our Pennsylvania site.  There were a series of small rumbles and the room started to shake slightly, but it was weak enough that I thought it could have just been some construction.  However, when the person on the telecon mentioned that her room was also shaking, we immediately thought it was an earthquake.

In typical fashion, my company over-reacted and we had to evacuate for a couple of hours to make sure things were safe.  Luckily, there really wasn't too much damage up here in northern New Jersey.  Even more luckily, it was a nice, warm summer day and it was nice to sit outside.  Interestingly enough, I've lived for seven years in California---in all seven years, I had only experienced one earthquake and it was weaker than this one on the East Coast.

Only several days later, everyone panicked again when it looked like Hurricane Irene was settling in on a collision course with New York City.  The news media had a field day with it---there was 24-hour coverage on every station and predictions of catastrophe.  Really, what could be better than having a disaster hit the biggest media market in the country?  Particularly a slow moving storm that crawled it's way up the East Coast?

The hurricane bullseye

Due to the coverage, everyone went crazy.  We stopped by the grocery store on Friday and it was a mad house.  Shelves were literally cleared bare.  People were carting out gallons of bottled water.  There was no milk or bread to be had---that always confused me.  If you're worried about being trapped at home, why would you stock up on perishable food like bread or even worse milk?  It doesn't make sense.  People were filling up their bathtubs with water.  We hunkered down at home Saturday and waited for the storm.

And it turned out that we survived with barely a scratch.  By the time Hurricane Irene got up here, it had turned into Tropical Storm Irene and its wind speed had died down.  We got hit with essentially a day long rain storm---not even any thunder or lightning.  We didn't have any flooding and the power might have flickered for a little bit, but otherwise we were unscathed.  We did lose our cable tv and internet, but that's probably not something worth complaining about.  (Remember that Morton's Fork?  I guess that decision became pretty easy...)

To be fair, we were pretty lucky.  There were certainly places that got hit a lot harder than us and there are still some places without power.  And there were a few downed trees around the neighborhood which made getting to work like navigating an obstacle course.  Check out some of the hurricane photos.  And most of the warnings were concerned around overland flooding, which has been an issue.  Still, it does feel pretty anticlimactic after all the dreaded warnings of another Katrina (one tv station was even prediction running out of body bags...)

So, an earthquake and a hurricane...and there were a couple of tornadoes this spring and some crippling blizzards this winter.  What's next?  The end of days?  2012?

At least I can cross off celebrating a birthday in the middle of a hurricane from the list...

In Memoriam

This weekend (yesterday actually) was the one year anniversary of the day our first cat, Marquis, passed away after his battle with chronic renal failure.  He had been diagnosed over a year earlier and his death hit us pretty hard since we had been dedicated to his treatment for a year and he had seemed to be doing well until his health just crashed at the very end.  It was one of the motivations to start this site in the first place.

Last image of our Snowshoe cat Marquis

I had been meaning to write more about our battle with feline chronic renal failure, but it was a subject that I've been avoiding for awhile.  Certain breeds of cats such as Siamese and Snowhoes, of which Marquis was, tend to suffer more from chronic renal failure or CRF.  CRF, as opposed to acute renal failure, is a gradual weakening and deterioration of the kidneys.  Acute renal failure might be due to the cat eating something toxic, but can usually be treated with full recovery.  However, chronic renal failure is more insidious.  Kidneys are strong organs, but unfortunately this has the side effect of not being able to detect the progress of CRF until more than 70% of the kidney function has been irreparably lost.

The kidney has several important functions:

1)  Filters out waste material from the blood (these tend to be nitrogen-containing molecules from the breakdown of proteins from food)
2)  Regulates electrolyte concentration (sodium and potassium ions, which have an effect on ion channels)
3)  Produces EPO (erythropoietin), a hormone involved in producing red blood cells

Once the kidneys become compromised, the body slowly gets weakened, which accelerates the deterioration of the kidney function.  The blood starts to accumulate waste since the kidneys are not as effective at filtering them out.  This can be tracked through blood tests for creatinine and BUN (blood urea nitrogen) levels, which are markers for this waste.  Elevated levels are a key marker of renal failure and are one of the first indicators of CRF.

So how can we treat this?  The standard method is to approach the problem from two directions.  The first is to switch to a low protein "renal" diet.  This is food that has low amounts of protein (which contain phosphorus and nitrogen) so that when the body metabolizes it, there are less nitrogen-containing waste products poisoning the blood.  There are several veterinary diets that you can use, but you can also look up the phosphorus levels of common cat food.

Dry Cat Food Phosphorus Analysis
Wet Cat Food Phosphorus Analysis

The other approach is to dilute the waste products in the blood stream.  This is done by giving the cat water---most CRF cats tend to be more thirsty than normal due to this.  As a result, the cat urinates more frequently which also helps to remove the poisons.  Wet cat food is highly recommended over dry food to the water content.  But to take it one step farther, one standard of care is to give the cat subcutaneous saline injections directly---the saline is then absorbed into the bloodstream.  This is not a pleasant act, but Marquis was actually very good about it---in the morning we would sit him on the couch, pinch up the skin of this neck, and then slowly inject the saline.  He would sit there and wouldn't complain and we would give him a treat afterwards.  He became used to it after a while.

Subcutaneous saline injection therapy for CRF cats

There are other more involved treatments that you can do, such as potassium supplements (to make sure that the cat's electrolytes are balanced), iron supplements (to battle anemia due to low red blood cell count), and EPO injections (highly expensive).  We ended following the diet and saline injection approaches.  We found a low phosphorus wet food and we gave him daily injections of ~50 mL of saline.  This worked well for Marquis---he lasted for over year and basically showed no symptoms of his illness until his kidneys finally started to fail.  At that point, he became too sick to eat regularly and he quickly lost his weight and strength.  At the end, he had lost more than half of his weight and wasn't able to walk or stand.  It was heartbreaking.

CRF is a devastating disease and it is a terminal disease.  However, there are steps that you can take to treat it and give your cat good quality of life.  Some good sites that helped us with it:

Tanya's Comprehensive Guide to Feline Chronic Renal Failure
Feline CRF Information Center
Sub-Q Survey of CRF Cats

And the best community for owners of CRF cats is at The Feline CRF Support Group at Yahoo Groups.  This is an amazingly supportive community of people who have been through CRF.  They gave us very kind messages of support and understanding and helped us get through the situation.  Thank you!

The Cost of Fatigue

It's been a while since I last updated, mostly since I've been putting in a few extra hours at work and have been too tired when I come home.  I've never been a morning person, but now I've been getting up around 6 am to get to work.  And sadly, going to work early never means getting out of work early---I usually end up staying until well after 5 pm.  By the time I get home, I'm exhausted.  Partly it's because there's so much work to do (our group is very lean and stretched out), but I wonder if partly it's because I'm not as efficient as I can be.  As with most of this generation, I can feel my attention span dropping and have trouble focusing.  It would be easy to blame all of the distractions of modern life, but part of it is I think due to simple fatigue.  I'm just not getting enough sleep.

And it's not just me.  According to a study in Journal of Occupational and Environmental Medicine, 38% of surveyed workers reported "low levels of energy, poor sleep, or a feeling of fatigue" during the past two weeks.  It's estimated that fatigue costs an average of 5.6 hours a week in lost productivity.  Interestingly enough, this is one disadvantage is demographically opposite of the standard---fatigue hits white workers harder than black workers.

The National Academies estimate that fatigue costs businesses around $150 billion annually, with another $48 billion lost in vehicle accidents.  I suspect those numbers are actually a little conservative since fatigue is such an undefinable factor.  How do you quantify fatigue?  How do you measure lower efficiency and performance?  It's like a vicious cycle---you're tired at work, so you don't get as much done and you feel more stressed, which makes it harder to get a good night's sleep, rinse and repeat.  On top of that, each night adds to your overall sleep debt so that by the weekend you can hardly move.  And sadly, my body is so trained at waking up early on the weekdays that I have a hard time sleeping in on the weekends.

I think that I'm doing pretty well at work, but I've always wondered how much more productive I could be if I could only get an extra couple of hours of sleep.  Instead of starting the day before 8 am, what if I didn't show up until 10 am?  I'd lose a couple of hours, but I'd feel a lot more refreshed and recharged at the start of the day (which is why I think this is better than having a nap time in the afternoon).  I bet I could recoup those two hours with more energy and efficiency and get even more things done.  Which is better, having a good solid 30 hour work week or a tired, cloudy 40 hour work week?  I guess this is related to that innovative idea that quality of life can improve quality of work...I think the answer is pretty clear, but that's why I'm not in management...

A Morton's Fork

Updates have been a little slow recently, partly because of late hours at work but also because our home internet connection has been flaky recently.  It's been cutting in and out, with outages lasting from minutes to up to hours at some points.  It's been a little frustrating and it's made me realize how much we depend on the Internet.

I remember first learning about the Internet and being able to go online when I was in high school.  At that point, it was using a modem to dial into the local university bulletin board service and then using Lynx as a crude text browser.  You had to wait until no one was using the phone line so you could dial in with your modem (some of my dedicated friends even got a second phone line to use with just their computer!)  When Mosaic and Netscape first came out, it was a revelation of colors, blinking text, and midi music as the idea of home pages exploded.  Since then, it's been an exponential increase in the rise of the Internet.  I was able to get my first taste of high speed internet access at college, where all of the dorm rooms had ethernet wired in.  In grad school, I was able to escape the anchor of having a heavy desktop computer with the freedom of a laptop and wireless internet access.  And in the last couple of years, mobile computing with smart phones and tablets has exploded.

During this evolution, the Internet has taken over more and more of our lives.  We manage most of our financial and shopping online now, as well as most of our personal and social networking.  We download news and upload our ideas.  It's come to the point where people have been diagnosed with Internet addiction---they can't turn it off.  This was the unenviable pedestal that television had reigned over for decades.  Hours spent staring at the television screen has been replaced with staring at computer and phone screens.

So, now which would you rather choose?  A life without television or the Internet?

Well, with our flaky internet connection, we now had to face that dilemma, that Morton's Fork or even Sophie's Choice.  We had been using a cable splitter to connect our television and cable modem to the same line, weakening the signal.  While our television was okay, it wasn't enough signal for our cable modem to use.  It turned out that if we cut out the splitter and hooked the cable modem up directly, we got a robust signal and internet access at the cost of our television.  You could only have one without the other.  So now we had to choose---television or internet access?  The real answer:  get Comcast out here to fix the problem (woohoo, deus ex machina!)

Photography: Misty Spring Mornings

One of the things that we like about living in the Northeast compared to California (and there aren't that many...) is that you actually get to experience all four seasons rather than just slightly drier or wetter variations of the same weather every day.  Autumn is probably my favorite season, but spring is a nice change coming out of the cold, dark winter.  Unfortunately, at least in New Jersey, it does feel like spring gets short changed.  Real spring only seems to last for a few weeks before we head full on into summer.  Usually the seasons is punctuated by heavy rain before the summer heat rolls in.

Although it only lasts for a short while, one of my favorite things about spring is the fog that forms in the morning before the sun has had a chance to warm the air.  It makes everything, even the morning commute, feel a little more mysterious and ethereal.  It makes you wonder just what's around the corner.  Early one morning, I decided to stop at a park on the way to work to just sit quietly in the fog for a while.

Getting ready for summer